Bangkok Klong of Consciousness

It’s about 10pm on Saturday night. I climb the escalator at my local BTS skytrain station and make my way towards the platform. Without thinking I head for the obligatory spot with the least amount of people, when suddenly I notice a dark shape hovering behind a concrete pillar. I carry on walking but have to do a double-take when I realise that the shape is in fact an elderly Japanese man quite contentedly pissing all over the platform.

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Now…

Then…

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If only my life was more like the music video for a Thai pop song.

I’d be casually making my way home from work when a few dramatic drum-rolls of thunder and flashes of lightning would announce that the heavens were about to open. I’d hurriedly skip from the edge of one puddle to another and run towards a sheltered spot in the distance. But wait! Oh no, what’s this? I seem to have carelessly bumped into a breathtakingly gorgeous girl who also happens to be heading for the same spot.

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Read the full entry to find out how this Thai girl transforms herself from this:

…to this:

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Fed up of being pushed around on the skytrain while others stare at the TV adverts, contentedly exploring their nostrils? Or maybe you just don’t know what to do with those fidgety hands of yours? Fear not, the Thai Ministry of Culture is here to help with this handy booklet on Thai social etiquette:

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As of tonight, bar and club owners throughout Thailand will be legally required to ban all smokers from lighting up inside in their premises.

A similar ban was introduced at pubs and bars in England on July 1st last year, sparking off a social phenomenon that the British press have since dubbed ‘smirting’ (a combination of smoking and flirting at the same time).

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In a new feature for klongofconsciousness.com, I’ll be bringing you a free Thai song every Friday for your listening pleasure. Call it lazy blogging, but I call it sharing decent Thai music with the world (plus I like to go out on Friday nights).

So what better place to start than with one of the most influential Thai bands of all time. They’ve been around for more than fifteen years, opened for Radiohead and sold over 2 million albums. Who am I talking about? Yes, it is of course the mighty Modern Dog.

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Before you read this post, let me just say that this is not one of those Thai-farang relationship sites that rant on about the pros and cons of Thai women. As far as I’m concerned that stuff consumes more than its fair share of this planet’s internet bandwidth already. Men are men, and women are women.

However, there are times when it’s impossible not to pick up on a common trait of the local female population. With this in mind, what follows are some examples of how the sharp-tongued comments, ridiculously astute observation skills and all-seeing eyes of Thai women have kicked yours truly hard in the nuts. Ok, let’s begin…

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Who is the voice on the other end of Jack’s radio call? Is there really a freighter ship coming to rescue everyone off the island? What is the real story behind Ben and the Others? Who is Jacob? Why do all the pregnant women die? Is Charlie really dead? Where is Walt? So many questions, so few answers. And we still aren’t any wiser as to what the monster made of black smoke is.

What am I talking about? Well if you don’t know, you deserve to be dumped on a remote island and tortured mercilessly by a combination of unexplainable forces and your own psychological fears, forever suffering flashbacks to terrifying incidents in your past and flash-forwards to how doomed your life is destined to become. Oh wait, this is sounding familiar…

Yes, after more than seven months, Lost Season 4 has finally found its way onto our screens with the season premiere airing in the US last Thursday night. The writers claim that this season will answer a lot of questions, but it’s probably worth remembering that they’ve said that every season since the show began.

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