California Wow: Healthy living or gay disco?
If you’re ever in the Siam Square area of Bangkok and find yourself in need of escaping the heat, a leisurely stroll around Siam Paragon shopping centre could be just the ticket. But venture up to the 4th floor and you’ll soon find yourself standing at the gates to the bizarre hell-on-earth that is the California WOW Xperience.
As with many of Bangkok’s ‘trendy’ shopping malls, not many people actually go to Siam Paragon to buy anything. To say that most of the visitors are only there to meet friends, watch a movie or eat at the foodcourt is putting it mildly. The truth is that many more are simply there to show off. If it wasn’t for an abundance of designer sunglasses you’d be able to see the glee in people’s eyes as walkways and escalators melt away to form a giant imaginary catwalk.
It probably shouldn’t come as a surprise then to learn that just as nobody goes to Siam Paragon to shop, nobody goes to California WOW to do any exercise either.
I had a bit of time to kill on my lunch break today so I thought I’d take up the California WOW membership challenge. If you haven’t heard, this is a game where you go into a branch of California Fitness and ask how much a membership costs. If you look like a complete pushover they’ll quote you something ridiculous like 10,000 baht a month, but if you stick to your guns and can speak a bit of Thai they might come down to a more realistic price of around 1,000 baht a month.
As I stepped inside I was still trying to work out where the flashing lights and techno music were coming from when an eager member of staff approached me (there’s a live DJ in case you’re wondering). Within a matter of minutes my friendly host had me by the elbow and was doing everything he could to make me sign up to a special one-off promotion while he gave me the grand tour.
The equipment was undeniably impressive but there was something about the way the machines were all lined up that made the place feel about as inviting as the interior of spaceship belonging to aliens determined to carry out that rectal examination they’d been hearing about.
Even worse, everything was in full view of the shopping centre. Now to me this is crazy as the last thing I want when I’m sweating my way through a workout is all and sundry gawping at me like I’m a lab rat on a hamster-wheel. But no, a thin sheet of glass is all that separates psuedo-shoppers from their gym-going counterparts.
It soon became clear however that the abundance of windows and mirrors is all part of the appeal for California Wow’s regular clientele - namely an army of young men who adhere to a strict uniform of pristine trainers, tight shorts, white vests and carefully positioned sweatbands that double as a handy way to ensure no foundation is smudged.
The eerie thing was that despite all the convincing outfits, nobody was actually doing any exercise. I suppose it’s like the ‘new pencil-case syndrome’ back at school. You know, you’ve just failed all your exams so you start the new school term with a shiny new pencil-case, a collection of fancy pens and a mountain of other stationery that you’ll never use. ‘Thing’s are going to be different now,’ you tell yourself naively.
By now I had already seen enough but the staff were having none of my attempts to leave. I was being ushered in the direction of the locker rooms when a Thai man sat down at an ab-machine opposite me. He fiddled with his iPod for a few moments before tapping his foot loudly to a beat. In my homophobic-induced state of paranoia, I was convinced the tinny sound coming from his headphones was ‘I’m Too Sexy’ by Right Said Fred.
‘Do any women come here?’ I asked my guide.
‘We have a women-only gym next door,’ he replied, putting a lingering hand on my shoulder. ‘This gym is for men.’
Popularity: 77% [?]
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Thanx haha
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February 2nd, 2008 at 2:13 am
haha fantastic. Well I can tell you the women’s one is just as bad, although without the homo-erotic overtones!!
February 25th, 2008 at 5:22 pm
Cal Wow a Gay Disco?
I can tell you didn’t go to the shower rooms otherwise you would have titled the article Cal Wow Gay Sauna Orgy.
I used to train at the Sukhumvit branch until it ‘turned’. There would be 15 guys in the gym and 50 guys in the change rooms - funnily none of them ever seemed to workout.