Bangkok Klong of Consciousness

‘My biggest regret in life,’ my Dad told me one Sunday morning, ‘is wasting so many years worrying about what other people think.’

It was a typically English father-son moment. I leaned against the hall doorway in my dressing-gown as my Dad stood at the kitchen sink, looking out of the window and into the garden beyond. Little eye contact was involved but I knew he was trying to tell me something important and his words have stuck with me ever since.

Yet some five years on, a crushing cloud of anxiety still gathers around me whenever I meet new people for the first time. All the worry of what they might think of me turns my words into a mumbling gibberish and I walk clumsily as my brain tries to convince my body that it is capable of moving with grace and confidence.

They say the best way to overcome fears of a social nature is to go out and start a conversation with as many strangers as you can in one day. Now I’m in Thailand and my spoken Thai is still a work in progress, but what the hell, this could be fun. Here’s what happened when I tried it today:

Security guard: My apartment has recently installed a CCTV system so the security guard in the lobby now sits glued at his desk watching a TV screen displaying live feeds from the lifts and other exciting places around the building. My usual interaction with this guy involves little more than a mutual nod and sometimes a ‘krub ’. Today however, I smile in the direction of the screen in front of him and ask (in Thai), ‘anything good on TV?’. He looks at me blankly for a moment and scratches his head. Suddenly a huge toothy smile spreads across his face, ‘Yes, it’s my favourite channel,’ he tells me.

Pregnant woman: There’s a pregnant woman at work who I’ve hardly spoken to because she works way over on the other side of the office. Today I happen to see her out of the corner of my eye as I’m making a coffee, so I decide to say hello. Five minutes later she’s telling me all about her husband, her aching back and ‘magic’ breasts (apparently they’ve grown overnight). ‘Do you know if it’s a boy or a girl?’ I ask. ‘No! Don’t tell me!’ she shrieks.

Kao Mun Gai lady: Now again I’m probably not playing by the rules here as technically this is not a stranger. I love my kao mun gai and eat lunch at this place all the time, but I’ve still never really had a proper conversation with this woman. As I take the plate of hot rice and chicken from her hands I resist the temptation to just say thank you and instead ask her what the secret ingredient is that makes the dish taste so good. Damn, I should have said this to her months ago. She looks like she’s just won the lottery. ‘My grandmother taught me how to make it,’ she says with a big smile.

…and so the day went on. I’m not sure if I actually made any progress but it felt good seeing that first smile of the day from the security guard spread it’s way around town. My goal now is to keep this up every day until it comes naturally. I guess I’m not really scared of strangers, or even a shy person - I’m just a bit socially lazy. I’m starting to realise that it’s easy to be down about things and avoid people. But if you want to be happy, now that takes some effort.

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dropped in the klong(s) of bangkok, life |
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